The durian (IPA: [d̪uˈɾi.ɑn]) is the fruit of trees of the genusDurio belonging to the Malvaceae, a large family which includes hibiscus, okra, cotton, mallows and lindenSoutheast Asia as the "King of Fruits,"[1] the fruit is distinctive for its large size, unique odour, and a formidable thorn-covered husk. Its name comes from the Malay word duri (thorn) together with Malay suffix that is -an (for building a noun in Malay), meaning "thorny fruit." trees.
This is a tiger. It's a big, meat eating cat.
The tiger (Panthera tigris) is a mammal of the Felidae family, one of four "big cats" in the Pantheragenus. Native to the mainland of southeastern Asia, the tiger is an apex predator and the largest feline species[3] in the world,[4][5] comparable in size to the biggest fossil felids.[6] The Bengal Tiger is the most common subspecies of tiger, constituting approximately 80% of the entire tiger population, and is found in India, Bangladesh, Bhutan, Myanmar, and Nepal. It is the national animal of India. An endangered species, the majority of the world's tigers now live in captivity.
Now, the orang asli (natives) tell me that durian + tiger = full tiger + no durian.
It seems that tigers can even tell apart which durians are the best just by the smell, and will use their claws (which are longer than the durian spikes) to pull apart the casing and eat the meat. Waaa...
Original:
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
and they're like, "It's better than yours"
Damn right, it's better than yours
I could teach you, but I'd have to charge
Old English:
Mine milkshake bringeth all yon gentlefolk to mine yard
and lo they reply " 'Tis better than thine...
"Verily, 'tis better than thine!"
I could apprentice thee, but I wouldst levy a fee
Literal:
My whipped iced dairy drink brings the attentions of many males to my place of residence and/or employment,
and they declare that its quality far surpasses that of yours.
Absolutely, it far surpasses yours.
I could convey to you the proverbial recipe, but I would have to demand compensation.
Limerick:
Through stereophonic tubes
Comes a girl rapping mixes and grooves
and though you would think
Her topic was iced drink
It's really all about her boobs
Haiku:
Boys, drawn to my yard
Their words in chorus singing
Your milkshake loses
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will
probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to
stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men break wind more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling
at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
I married Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex
drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the
street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are
sexy.
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
Intro credits:
2007 Visit Malaysia Year Theme Song
I Love My Country
Negaraku
(Repeat) Check it out, yo, yo, yo.
(Repeat) Negaraku, Negarakuku.
I love my country, only when you have a country you have a home
Only with a home then there will be me, standing here with you
Loudly singing, don’t be afraid
Even though I curse all the time
My song, is just like the durian
Tough and spiky, only
To see if you dare to open it, to look at the truth inside
It can be very stinky, it can be very fragrant
It only depends on what kind of nostrils you have.
Our police is called Mata
Because they have very shiny eyes
Once it’s New Year, they will be very hard working
Holding pens but they will rarely write you a receipt
Because they are thirsty, they need to drink tea
Also kopi-O, want to add sugar?
If they add sugar, their mouths will sweetly smile at you
When you are leaving
They will even go “Tata.”
Negaraku
Tanah tumpahnya darahku
Rakyat hidup bersatu dan maju.
This phenomenon, doesn’t need any improvements
Neither does it need strengthening, the police and the people work together
A cup of coffee keeps our relationship temperate
I so very suka
At least I won’t go home and receive a saman (fine or ticket)
My dad would sure be pissed
I would also kiong kan (swear word in Cantonese for “get raped”), with no car to drive
What to do, this time so very kao lat (an expression, something like aiyo)
With no car, how do I go out and play?
With no car, how do I wage “wild war”? (I don’t know what it means but I assume it has something to do with a girl)
With no car, how do I go and watch ah kua? (transvestites)
This country, I like it very much.
5 in the morning
There’s even a morning call to wake me up
Sometimes a few of them will sing together
When you listen to it, it’s like a love duet
The voice ululates like an R&B song
Even though sometimes they sing until it’s out of tune
Even though sometimes they even sing until their voices break
Some sound like cockerels, but they wake up earlier than them
This way we can know the time to get ready for class and for work
Don’t blame, the government only takes cares of the natives
Don’t blame, we don’t receive equal care
Only this way we can prove that we Chinese are not afraid of hard work
Only this way we can train ourselves to find a solution during hard times
Don’t feel weird about their standards
Because this only shows that we are smart (or capable)
Children who are not spoilt will not be dependant
Because you see some children are still not weaned off breast-feeding.
Rahmat bahagia
Tuhan kurniakan
Raja kita
Selamat bertakhta.
People who hide in government departments are even better (even more capable)
They can do everything so slowly
Even when people are queuing, are cursing stinky lelai (what’s that?)
They’re chill and unfazed
Sometimes they even bring out their kuih
They eat their nyonya kuih
More people will continue queuing up
Even when you curse stinky lelai it doesn’t matter
Because the guard at the side is dreaming
And he won’t scold you one lah.
They wrap up their heads; walk slowly and cross the road slowly
When you pass in the car you even have to let them pass first
The most important thing is to live happily; the most important thing is to live comfortably
Don’t be like the Chinese
Busy the whole day, very tough
We really cannot NOT admire this spirit”
Because this is their attitude in life.
(Attitude, attitude)
I’ve been saying good things in this song
I believe those of you who are pissed at me will like this now
The world is peaceful, and full of hope
No one is hurt, there aren’t any riots
You’re so classy, you’re so elegant
Your shit is fragrant, and you don’t curse
You guys are the most high class, every day it’s just romancing
Listening to Guang Liang Pin Guan (this local Chinese artiste)
But he already ran to Taiwan
Private school students graduate
It’s so very tough to get admitted into local universities
Actually we don’t have to get pissed about this issue
Actually this is the a very noble plan by the government
They want us to explore the world, to find new opportunities for ourselves
To learn things and come back and repay the country
This is plan is so great, I can’t quibble about it
All over the world you can see Malaysia’s children
They’re like refugees, so very shiok (expression for orgasm or high)
2007, Malaysia’s having Visit Malaysia Year
The Chinese culture is brought out and paraded
The government doesn’t even care about private school students
The certificate is thrown into the longkang (ditch), just like me
Graduated and went to Taiwan
Learned about things, and got ready to come back to repay my country
I stood on the streets of Taipei with my guitar
But my mouth still sings.
Rahmat Bahagia
Tuhan kurniakan
Raja kita Selamat bertakhta.
Umiman: Your friends want to know, what the hell is Steven? mijim: Steven ar? Too long an explanation. Just take it as it is. Steven. Confusing at first. But keep saying it, "steven, steven, steven." Use it in your daily convos. And one day you'll get it. Right after that you'll get bored of it. And only say in once in awhile.
